A short introduction on characters (no matter how random it may be):
Joe was a guy, but he wasn’t just any guy, he was the guy. A lot of other people wanted to be the guy. You could hear them saying, “I wanna be the guy too”, yet none had managed to reach Joe’s status. ALTHOUGH [AAAWWUBBIS] Joe was someone WHO [relative clause] they all wanted to be, no one had a chance. AS far as Joe was concerned, he was a lone gun – A ONE OF A KIND DUDE – destined to remain on top forever.
Our story begins in a small western setting town of Frontier Town. Frontier Town, not unlike many other small western towns of civilization, was a quaint place. It had a church, blacksmith, bank, saloon, and all the other essential of a western. BEFORE [AAAWWUBBIS] it was established, Frontier Town had once been a small exchange post for trading. The fact it had grown was due to its prime location and for the sake of convenience. “Since I’m not totally feeling the western frontier town vibe, let’s change the setting a little”, interrupted the narrator.
Narrator: Okay, now we’re going to take this story to the city… Yeah~~
We begin in The Suburb of metropolis: a place where men drink away their fears. It is here that we find Bob (forget about Joe, he isn’t cool anymore) your typical run of the mill guy.
Narrator: I believe a short introduction is needed for our new hero, Bob:
Bob is the kind of guy that has a personality big enough for four people, a real one man party. He often finds himself, like most people, -- hold on, bob wants to give his own introduction.
Bob: “I like movies, and sometimes I listen to music. Music tastes good! If I'm free I like to eat food, usually for my lunch or dinner, and sometimes breakfast if I'm awake. Have you ever eaten breakfast? I have. It’s great! I can cook. I can clean. I like doing things that are not boring.
Narrator (shoving Bob aside): Enough guy, I’m trying to tell a story man.
Where were we….? Ah yes, we were just at the part after Terrance slayed the dragon and had conquered the evil wizard bring peace and prosperity to all of the realms.
Narrator: “WHOMEVER [relative clause] has been messing with my notes is dead.” Well, since we have lost our spot, I will make something up.
(Movie voice over tone) In the city, he fought crime.
Narrator: Wait I was about to tell you guys about Batman; Dammit. Telling stories is harder than it seems. Wait, I’ve got it, here goes…
Mike, who was a very special man, was walking in the woods one fine day when he stumbled upon a very special stick. “What the!” he exclaimed “I must take this back home and add it to my stick collection”. So he bent down and picked up the stick, carefully as not to damage it, and carried on his walk. He walked further and further into the woods when, out of nowhere, a ninja attacked and stole the very special stick. Mike lamented over the loss of his special stick as the ninja disappeared into the thick woods with it. Mike was not one to give up easily though, he chased the ninja finally catching up to him savagely beating him to death. He retrieved his special stick from the pile of broken ninja and returned home shortly after his altercation. Upon adding this stick to his collection he realized that it was not really that special at all. It was very not as special as a stick and as awesome as his other sticks [parallelism] Crushed by his failure in finding a special stick for the day, Mike hung himself.
Narrator: There a much better tale for you.
There are many appositives in the piece. Instead of putting most the text in caps I left most lower case and instead noted AAAWWUBBIS and other single words with caps. Feel free to comment on anything.